Critics often claim that empathy makes leaders too soft, preventing them from addressing underperformance effectively. But let's set the record straight: empathy, when paired with emotional intelligence and self-awareness, is a powerhouse for delivering feedback without triggering an emotional shutdown that prevents integration.
Empathy doesn't mean dodging tough conversations or softening the truth. It's about delivering feedback in a way that resonates, reducing defensiveness, and promoting growth. Emotional intelligence empowers leaders to sense their team's emotional cues and adjust their approach accordingly, ensuring conversations lead to productivity, not resistance.
Here's how to harness empathy for feedback that resonates:
ACTIVE LISTENING: Dive deep into conversations. Listen beyond words. Understand underlying emotions and concerns. Clarify with questions, echo back what you've heard, and genuinely invest in their viewpoint. This approach opens doors to honest, constructive dialogue.
PRACTICE FIERCE EMPATHY: In leadership, this means supporting employees to tolerate the discomfort of critical feedback as a means of growth, while remembering that this is a skill most of us have had to learn through painful trial and error. Balance compassion with challenge, delivering feedback that’s kind yet pushes for development.
APPLY THE PLATINUM RULE: Author and Kerage Coach, Travis Carson
, JD/MBA, says leaders should employ the Platinum Rule—treating people the way they want to be treated—allowing them to tailor their feedback style to individual needs. By understanding how each person prefers to communicate, you can deliver feedback in a way that resonates with them. This reduces the chances of triggering defensiveness and makes the feedback process more productive
DEVELOP SELF-AWARENESS: Know your triggers and biases. Before giving feedback, check your emotions. Are you acting from frustration? Do you have the capacity to hold space and support growth and development? If not, this might not be the time to dive into a difficult conversation. Self-awareness ensures your feedback focuses on the employee’s growth, giving them the best chance to integrate your message.
BALANCE EMPATHY WITH ACCOUNTABILITY: Empathy doesn’t equate to lowering standards. It’s about connecting with your team while upholding performance expectations. Leaders who blend compassion with firm accountability build trust and motivation, driving progress.
By weaving empathy with emotional intelligence and self-awareness, leaders can offer feedback that is not only heard but also integrated, sparking positive action. Done right, empathy isn't a hindrance—it's the key to unlocking higher performance and cultivating a culture of trust, respect, and continuous improvement.
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